I've given up on a lot things that I thought I'd really enjoy and this post gave me some great insight into how to overcome the feeling of 'must'.
A great example for me is my guitar playing. I have been at the same skill level for a very long time, for some reason practicing and progressing became less of a hobby for me started to feel like something I was forcing myself to do, so I quit trying. I now just fumble around with the same stuff that I have been doing for years. But the problem is, I really WANT to get better and really want to progress... it's just frustrating because it feels like it's without purpose.
However, I think that by doing what Jonanthan recommends, I might be able to overcome the obstacles that have set me back.
I'll be working through the "What would happen if I did?" and "What would happen if I didn't?" questions and I'll post the results here next week.
In the mean time, do you have anything that this might help you with?
3 comments:
I definitely think we are our own worst enemies. Love that "anti-me" term. That's genius!
What has worked for me in the past in following through on what I want to accomplish is having structure--some sort of plan.
I just work best when I know there's a goal I'm working toward or if I have a due date on something or if I am working in a group (if I don't do my part then I am letting them down ... THAT really motivates me).
An example for me would be the piano. I haven't played or competed since high school, but I've often thought about starting up again. This would require taking lessons, practicing a mininum of an hour a day and probably six mos. of hard work to get my fingering and agility back and before I got back to the level at which I was performing years ago.
What would make me want to do my best if I played piano again? What would make me want to stick with something and not give up? For me, it would first be linked to whoever was my teacher. I would not want to let him/her down. That would be my primary motivation, because that's just how I'm wired.
Also, if I was really trying to get my piano on again, another thing that would help me would be to find some group or some outfit that needed a pianist (say a choir or a singing ensemble that needed an accompanist or a place that needed background live music). If I knew that I needed to prepare for things like this, then I would do my homework and make sure I was ready to meet the expectations of those to whom I was offering my piano skills.
That's long and rambling, but basically I'm saying that I have found that you have to know yourself. Think of past accomplishments. Why were you so focused? Was it the subject matter? Was it the process in which you met your goal that seemed to work? Or was there someone who inspired you and who you wanted to please? Etc., etc.
That's what has helped me: breaking it down and figuring out what makes me tick and why I do what I do and what motivates me.
Also, so what if you try something and it doesn't work out? You'll never know if you don't try. If I decide to study piano again and come to the conclusion that that is not what I really want to do anymore, then so be it. At least I gave it a go and learned that piano may not be for me anymore. I can cross it off of the list.
I think all of our experiences (whether they have the outcomes we want or not) are great in that they mold us and shape us and help us learn and refine ourselves.
Thanks for this post and the link to the article. Now you've got me thinking about what I want to accomplish! :-)
Laura, thanks for this comment! It's a post in and of itself!
Sometimes I think people find themselves paralyzed by a fear of failure as well. "If I try really hard to do this, and I screw it up, I'll be viewed as a failure." Which I'm sure we all experience, but it's not healthy, how will you know if you don't try?
Which then could lead to a fear of success. "If I do succeed at this, what will be expected of me then?"
I have experienced both of these and both are terrible attitudes, and that's why I like the idea of listing out both sides. I think it will really add some insight to the situation.
Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I've got a couple of posts coming out this week that deal exactly with what you're talking about, Kevin. They're not out yet, or I'd post URLs. Will let you know when they do; will be interested to hear your thoughts on them.
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